Phrases for Work

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ACT to foster happiness, peace, prosperity, and tolerance in the Middle East



This is a venting page.  here are some phrases we wanted say at work or we heard at work.  Have some to add here?  Please email me! Thanks for all the great friends who contributed to this page.

  • Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • The beatings will continue until morale improves
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in 
  • Busy, you thought busy was a policeman.  "In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  • It's nice to see that you're not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you're an idiot.
  • I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-YOU.
  • I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.
  • Would you like me to chew your food for you while I'm at it?
  • Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??
  • Here's a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.
  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point 
    of view.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • No, my powers can only be used for good.
  • You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
  • Who me? I just wander from room to room
  • And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
  • Do I look like a freaking people person?
  • This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah,
    and it's called my office)
  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  • You!... Off my planet!
  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 
  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't
    fallen asleep yet.
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.


Here are other contrasts related to work.  You might have heard one of those statements:

  • When you take a long time, you're slow; When your boss takes a long time, he or she's thorough.
  • When you don't do it, you're lazy; When your boss doesn't do it, he or she's too busy.
  • When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.  When your boss makes a mistake, he or she's only human.
  • When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.  When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
  • When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.  When your boss does it, he or she is being firm.
  • When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.  When your boss skips a few rules, he or she is  being original.
  • When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.  When your boss pleases his boss, he or she is  being co-operative.
  • When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.  When your boss is out of the office, he or she is on business.
  • When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.  When your boss is a day off sick, he or she must be very ill.
  • When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.  When your boss applies for leave, it's because he or she is  overworked






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