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At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot.

Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?

(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back) Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys.

(On a motorcycle rider's t shirt - back) If you can read this, then the bitch fell off

My IQ came back negative :-)

We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic.

Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase.

Kids: You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 19 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up.

(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree.

I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes.

I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax.

I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason.

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up!

I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke.

My Reality Check Just Bounced.

Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues.

Dangerously Under-Medicated.

Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change.

Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise,' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate.

Physically Pffffft!

Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe.

Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It.

Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car.

Hang Up and Drive.

I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?

Welcome to
Mississippi -- Set Your Watch Back 30 Years.

Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated.

Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon.

I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are.

Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Minister Will Not Have to Tell Any Lies at Your Funeral.

 

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