Court's Disorder

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Court's Disorder

These funny lines are real - Source Below!  Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange.

Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.

Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.


Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.


Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.


Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty-one.


Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?


Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uhm...


Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?


Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?


Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?


Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your Attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

!
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.


Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh?


Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Attorney: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
 

Source: "Disorder in the American Courts"

 

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