You know you are Lebanese when

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You know you are Lebanese when

You know you are Lebanese when more than half of these apply to you.  Please send me any new ideas.

  • You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

  • When shops have sale they call your mom.

  • You call an older person you've never met before "Ammo" or "Khaltu".

  • You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

  • People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc...

  • If you are a boy you start worrying about the Swiss Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.

  • Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"

  • You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

  • You dream of holding a different passport.

  • When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

  • Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

  • You look for universities as far away from home as possible.

  • You always curse at Lebanese when you are back home, but when you live abroad you mostly make Lebanese friends.

  • When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

  • Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

  • Everyone is a family friend.

  • You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

  • You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.

  • When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won’t bump into family or friends.

  • You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

  • You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

  • If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

  • Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.

  • You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.

  • You always say, "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

  • You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

  • You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to     school.

  • Your parents were ranked first in school.

  • Your dad swears at you with words that affect him. (Ibnil kalb)

  • You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just an unemployed goat herder.

  • You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in English.

  • You eat mensef with your bare hands.

  • You smoke as if there is no tomorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.

  • You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in Lebanese together.

  • You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.

  • You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

  • If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another Lebanese girl who looks better than you.

  • Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding. 

  • When you share your problems with your relatives, their most likely response is: Allah Be Yefrejha.




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